radiopeter

I saw Transamerica last night. It was playing at the Century in Evanston, so I bought a ticket online and went alone. I’m glad I did, because I couldn’t really fathom speaking after seeing it.

I’ve always felt a little out-of-the-loop on the transgendered community. Sure I played dress-up when I was younger. And even now I occasionally put on a skirt and paint for hours for fun. But I’ve never once felt like I was anything other than a man in a dress.

Perspective is something I try and gain when I don’t understand something. For instance, quantum physics is, for the most part, a big yawning black hole of information to me. It was only when I saw a three part documentary about it, where they had many people explaining it in many different ways, that is started to make the slightest sense.

I’ve not turned into a quantum physicist, but I know just barely enough about the concepts to understand what the buzz is about. I didn’t have any perspective on the subject matter before, but now I do.

It’s been the same way for me and the TG community. The very few TG “friends” I’ve ever had, only some folks I knew a long time ago, entered and left my life pretty quick. I’ve never been friends with someone who is TG. Never.

I’m not really sure why that’s the case, or if I’m at fault for anything, but I feel like that part of the queer community is somewhere out there, but I’m not invited. Not that I should be of course, but I have gay, les, and bi friends up the wazoo.

From what I have known of TG folks, it seems to be an incredibly hard journey that seldom tends to be the discussion of the hour unless you’re somehow on the inside. There’s absolutely no fault in that, but it does seem to leave a chasm in the GLBT community that nobody talks about often. Or at least nobody I’m listening to…maybe I need my ears cleaned and my eyes opened.

A-ha, eyes opened. There it is. Perspective, my original point. I don’t have any on the TG community, so when a movie or a book or anything comes along, I try and pay attention because my call for acceptance is, for better or worse, a part of their call and vice-versa. They are a part of my community, and I am a part of theirs in MANY peoples’ eyes.

Together but distinctly seperate. Isn’t that odd?

Transamerica brought me from tears to laughter and back again more times that I can count. It’s a film with both funny moments and strikingly painful ones. There are some antics that are a little bit stretched thin, and some moments when I wish I could have paused the movie to figure out why I was starting to cry.

It was a roller coaster. One I haven’t been on in quite some time.

I left the theater in a daze. On the way to the Purple line stop I tried listening to some music on my iPod but it annoyed me. I was on complete auto-pilot. Somehow I found myself in the shampoo aisle in the Dominick’s at Howard and Clark. I knew I needed shampoo, but I can’t remember how I got there. I shouldn’t have exited the train at Howard because I live at Morse, another two stops along the Red line.

After checking out and stepping back out into the cold evening I ended up walking home along Clark. I couldn’t hear anything. I could barely see. But scenes from the movie kept playing through my mind, over and over again.

There’s still many questions I have to ask myself about what I saw last night in that movie theater. But the fact that even now I’m still running it through my mind is proof-positive that it was an incredibly good movie. Perhaps even the best that I’ve seen in a very long time.

Perspective. It’s still something I’m missing about a lot of things in my life. But just knowing that is good because it means I know what I have to work on.

新年快樂
Xin Nian Kuai Ler!
Happy Chinese New Year!

In celebration I went to Chinatown for dinner last night with my friend Paul. He’d never been to that neighborhood before so it was fun to wander around with him. Although he looked a little nervous at first, I think he relaxed into it nicely. We only saw one dragon, a white one with sequinned skin.

We ate at Ken Kee, which was delish but for some reason only three bites filled me up. And then on to Saint Anne for my addiction; the coconut tart. Mmmm, coconut tart *drool* A short train ride home and I was comfortably in bed, watching episode two of Bleak House.

Could Gillian Anderson look ANY more radiant than she does in that movie? I’m beyond impressed with her faccent (that’s petermavrik for ‘fake accent’) I just made the connection that Mrs. Flight is the same actress who played one of the young maids from the early seasons of Upstairs Downstairs. The one who slept with James and became the cabaret gal who sang “What are we going to do with uncle arthur!”

I drifted to sound sleep by 9:30…

…which wasn’t good because the INCREDIBLY handsome man I met at Charlie’s on Saturday night called around 10:30 while I was dead to the world. Grr. I wish I would have been awake. It would have been fun to chat with him. Especially while lying in bed…

But no worries. I’m planning to see him very soon for dinner.

—

Saturday is my birthday. Twenty-nine. I’m planning on dinner with my folks and maybe some late night drinking.

—

I want to move RIGHT NOW. The torture of it being two months away from my move-in date is unbearable at this moment. I cannot fathom what it will be like as the date draws near, just as I cannot fathom what it will be like living in the ‘hood.

Lookout Boystown. Here I come.

Time = money.

It always has in my book. The older I get, the more that statement rings true. I’ve lately adoped another axiom:

My time is precious, therefore it costs a lot.

Now, I’m not saying I should be paid large sums of money for every little thing I contemplate doing. But I do need to be compensated for my work and my knowledge. It’s been 28…nearly 29 years in the making. And for those who want it, you gotta pay baby.

I received a healthy raise and a lovely bonus at my day job, and I couldn’t feel better about it. This year I was again passed up for a promotion, but really, I’m not worried. My compensation is beyond what I expected and I’m truly happier than ever.

In truth, I was worried when I switched jobs. Would I really be able to contribute in the new gig? I was set to turn myself into a DBA without really taking into account exactly what that meant. But looking back over the last year, I’m truly a happy man when I walk through the lobby doors in the morning. There was a time when I dreaded showing up for work. Now I virtually bounce in the door, grinning like a fool.

It makes me wonder truly where I’ll be next year, and the year after that. Here, now, on the cusp of 29 years old, I’m starting to realize that a little song I wrote so many years ago really is the essence of life. The hook is one of my favorites, and someday soon I’ll be producing the full track:

to be passionate
in life
is to
not expect
what you gain

Single but not lonely. Happy but not full of myself. Working to live, not living to work. This year is starting at a good mid-point. It may go up, it may go down, but it’s all good.

Truly. All good.

I started fasting yesterday. It’s called the Master Cleanse and basically all you do is give up food and drink as much of this juice as you like. It’s a mixture of lemon juice and pure maple syrup with a dash of cayenne pepper.

I’ve done this before and I really do know what to expect. But let me tell you it isn’t making life any easier. My head hurts, I feel really out of sorts, and I’m in a bad mood. All expected, and all rough.

By about day four or five, when my body has managed to empty most of the stuff out if my insides, I’ll start to feel a heck of a lot better. But until then it’s rough going.

I didn’t go to meditation this morning. I’m not sure I can take Aikido.

So why the torture? Well, honestly, I need it. I’ve been feeling like a big fat slab of bacon lately and my body feels congested. Not in the chest-cold sort of way, but I really do feel slow. I know it’s because I ate so poorly over the holidays and because my affinity for beer and salt have gotten the best of me as of late.

The last time I fasted, I came out the other side a new man. I’m not expecting too much out of this one, but I need to make sure my insides are squeaky clean for the arrival of Spring. My goal is to eat better.

This is step one.

So.

There was this party on Saturday night.

It was at a friend’s house.

White wine, thy evil smear upon my liver, may you forever be damned. But your taste was sublime.

I drank. I chatted. I nibbled. I met some fantastic people.

I was groped by a gentleman or two, and I was chatted up by some others.

But above all, I was enjoying life to the fullest, exactly the way a person should experience a Saturday night.

Delish.

Did anyone else catch the breathtaking first episode of “Bleak House” on PBS?

My God…or should I say My Goddess!

I chose it over Desperate Housewives and couldn’t have been happier with my decision. Not only was the cinematography incredible, seeing Gillian Anderson in Victorian garb with a FLAWLESS high class accent proved to me that she is indeed the stellar woman I have always felt she was.

It’s dark. It’s dreary. You can feel the hidden wheels-within-wheels of the story. Dickens was a master writer. The team who has transformed the story into this huge film are genius. The costumes, the lighting, the sound, the music, the visual play of shadow and light all combine to transport you right into mid-19th century England. You can feel the dust when they’re on the street. You can almost smell the candles indoors. And even as the ladies move, you can hear the rustle of fabric.

I look forward to the next five episodes.

Bleak House

Ok, so there was this creepy guy at zazen class this morning who couldn’t sit still, couldn’t stop breathing hard, and basically annoyed the fuck out of me. He’s not an Aikido student, but at some point some folks met him at Clarks on Clark one morning and Toyoda Sensei invited him to class.

To be honest, the man has bad energy. You can see it in him and you can hear it in the nervous way he chatters about nothing at all. I don’t have time for him and thus far have done my best to simply ignore him. If he continues to attend class, I will stop going.

I can feel him when we’re sitting and he feels bad. Really bad. So bad in fact that while we were sitting I couldn’t focus on anything other than the end of the sit. Maybe I need to learn to relax more, or maybe I need to learn something else. Honestly I don’t care.

I’m rarely wrong about my impressions of people. If he continues to attend, I will stop.

Good christ. I think yesterday happened to be one of the busiest days I’ve ever known. Work was crazy, life was crazy, and by the time I made it home to the humble Rogers Park abode, I wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep. And so I did.

Here I sit, at Starbucks at Belmont & Clark, thinking about the article I failed to write yesterday for Nightspots. Dance music will definitely be the theme, but I need to get it done. Work is going to be more hectic today than yesterday, and I suspect I won’t make it to Aikido this evening because I have about five billion things to get done before the weekend begins.

http://www.radiopeter.com has been updated with the second installment of my podcast.

Geezus, there are million things to do.

I purchased a USB microphone but still don’t have an ideal workflow. I did this past one in Garage Band by importing various tracks while preserving a single stereo audio channel for the voice work, but that isn’t perfect.

I’ve been trying out Audio Hijack Pro but I can’t seem to properly get away from the echo problem with the mic. I can hear a delay in the processing of the audio that sucks. I suppose I could mute myself out and do it like Garage Band, but I haven’t figured out all the knobs and buttons on it.

The mic isn’t perfect, and I need a windscreen. I currently have a paper towel wrapped over the mouthpiece secured by a rubber-band (high tech up in here) but that isn’t ideal either. I’m pining for a big expensive audio mic with a seriously thick windscreen on a nice motile arm far away from the powerbook so I can type and click without a care, but that ain’t gonna happen any time soon.

But I have a feel for what I want to do now, and as time passes the format will come together. So pop on over and check it out.

#2 radiopeter.com Tue Jan 17 2006

Show Notes:

Opening track: “Shimmering Stars” by Jakatta (Joey Negro Medusa Re-Edit)

Windy City Radio
http://www.windycityradio.com
Sunday’s @ 10pm 105.9FM

Positive Changes Hypnosis Center
http://www.positivechanges.com/

News, wacky and GLBT

Adam Curry “Daily Source Code” podcast
http://dailysourcecode.com/

iTunes spyware?
http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/11/itunes_update_spies_.html

Track: “Sunshine” featuring Monica Lynk by Bravo Mike (Dave Warren Mix)

Hear Peter Mavrik Spin @ Spin
http://www.spin-nightclub.com
Spin @ 10PM every Friday Night

Track: “Baila” by Davidson Ospina (Original Mix)

Track: “With Him” featuring Charlene Moore by Jay-J (Ron Carrol’s BMC Black Gospel Feel Edit)

Closing Track: “If Farts Were Made of Superball Stuff” by CookieCutterGirl found on http://music.podshow.com

Hey folks. Thanks for visiting!!!

Podcast #2 is on the way. I’m going to record a bunch live from Spin this evening and finish it all as soon as possible.

Hang on. Another good one on the way…

Told ya. I’m back again at the Belmont & Clark Starbucks drinking some sort of juice that’s called “superfood.” Mmm hmm. I’ve kinda realized that the Clark bus comes around 5:20ish by my house, so it’ll be good to get myself timed appropriately in the morning.

Whoo…the Wednesday night turn around is going to be hard. I took Garza Sensei’s last Aikido class of the day yesterday evening before I started teaching my Japanese class. As always, it was a fun class. We focused on tai sabaki which roughly means body movement. Getting certain body movement patterns down is pretty vital to the process. I’ve been told that you want your body to react naturally to attacks, and the tai sabaki we practice definitely seems to be useful for that.

But to leave the dojo around 11:30, catch the bus home, and then to wake at 4:30, catch the 5:20 bus, and be sitting here at 5:49 (right now) is rough stuff.

We’ll see how I cope later on today. I’ve organized dinner with friends at 7:45pm.

I hope I’ll stay awake…

I’ve just purchased some pillows from Linens ‘n Things in Lakeview. Hopefully they are high enough for me to do the sit tomorrow morning properly. There are a few patterns on the intenet for the zafu but I’m not sre I want to try my hand at sewing one just yet. Not like there is a machine in my house or anything, but maybe my mom would let me use hers. We’ll see how what I have works out. In the mean, I’m carring a HUGE bag around while waiting for my friend Rebeca. I’m at the Starbucks on Belmong & Clark, and I’m going to be right back here tomorrow morning, so it’s kinda odd to wait here. Perhaps I should make my exit…

I was able, randomly, to get a copy of the pinball song from Sesame Street. It’s the Pointer Sisters singing “one, two, three, FOUR, five, six, seven, eight, NINE, ten, eleven, twelve.”

I’m blissfully stupefied.

Aikido class last night was so great I nearly passed out like a narcoleptic dog. Not that I’m making fun of people with narcolepsy mind you, but when narcoleptic dogs get too excited the fall out. Thud. Poor things.

Anyway, After being a the dojo at 6am for meditation (I have another session tomorrow morning) I was right back there at 5:15pm for the triple-play Tuesday. Our first class involved us doing lots of intro work as it was a beginners class, but the new folks who’ve just joined are doing such a good job I’m pleased to bits.

It’s so fascinating to watch people work through learning their bodies again. I mean, most of us showed up without a lot of physical training and yet we all learned to do some pretty nifty things after only a few weeks. Watching the magic change in people is incredibly rewarding.

For myself, I’m conceptually understanding a lot more about how I move and how I hold myself based on my mood. That’s not to say I’m able to do much about it on a regular basis yet, but my body is changing. I’m more aware when I take a step. That’s the true beginning I think.

The second class was fun, but the third class I enjoyed the most; weapons. We did work with jo, which is basically a long broom-handle or “walking stick.” I have my own, so I’m starting to develop a relationship with a broom handle. Go ahead, giggle if you want to, but it’s true. I’m starting to get a feel for how it moves and how I can extend it just right.

At the end of class, as has become tradition, we went to Mi Tierra for some snacks and a margarita. The rain was falling softly that night, and I fell asleep immediately when my head hit the pillow.

Zzzzzz.