time to go
I’ve left the dojo. My life is heating up too fast and there are way too many things going on for me to continue studying Aikido.
Is it a permanent move? I really do think so. I’ve enjoyed my time there and I’ve made some good friends, but honestly, I don’t think I’ll return to the mats in the near future.
At first, I thought I would. In fact, that’s what I spoke about with my Sensei. But after I left there last night I asked myself “If I had the time right now, would I continue training?” In my head I heard a resounding “no.”
And there it is. It was time to go. Perhaps even if I wasn’t so busy, I would have left anyway.
Every time I fast, I learn a lot about myself. This past fast was no exception. And in an odd twist, Aikido, which was teaching me to heighten my awareness, heightened it enough to see that I don’t really want to do it any more.
I’ve been meditating at home in the morning and I find it to be a much more pleasurable experience when I’m alone. The cats eventually make their way into the living room and settle down next to me and sit quietly, as if they were meditating too.
It’s also time to leave Rogers Park. I’m going full steam ahead with moving to Lakeview. I have a stack of home furnishing catalogs and each day another bag of stuff leaves my apartment, destined for the dumpster, the clothes recycling bin, or the Brown Elephant.
Purge, purge, purge. Clearing mind, house, and body. I’m trying very hard NOT to look at my current place with distaste, but it’s so easy to do. I’ve been here for so long and had such good times, but I’m really in the mood to move on.
Heh, that Sparkle song “Time To Move On” just came to mind…
Lookin’ back on all the years I gave ya, boy
And all the promises you made to me
Back then I was too damn blind to see
All of my time invested in this love affair
With working two jobs
Cookin and cleaning
But yet ya still wanna clown on meIt’s time to move on (I can not go on my baby)
Said I’m tired of hangin’ on (To all of your phoney promises, boy)
It’s time to move on (I can’t take no more of the headaches and pains)
Said I’m tried of hangin’ on (Said I’m better off gone)
Makes me think of Eric, who by the way showed up at Spin on Friday. Not quite sure what that was about, but it made me realize just how far I’ve come since I was with him. I’ve grown by leaps and bounds, something that wasn’t happening while I was with him.
I’ve honestly come to peace with the situation, and despite how awful it all was, I’ve gone beyond learning those lessons. I’m living them.
Time to move on indeed.