to merge, or not to merge
Well. I’ve found myself beginning to fall into a relationship. How the fuck that got past my radar, I’ll never know. But it’s happening. Far quicker than I wanted it to, but I think it just slowed down a bit.
I keep asking myself the same questions over and over again; Do I really want to date someone? Do I even have time to date someone? Do I have room in my life to date someone? It’s healthy to ask these things, but I’m just starting to feel the gravity of the situation.
What I don’t want is to spend all of my free time with someone else. I’m 100% sure of that. Call me a selfish prick, but it’s my life and I deserve to be as selfish as I want. Time spent quietly alone with a book and a cup of tea is beyond value in my life. And given I’ve just recently quit Aikido due to lack of time, I have only a little free time to myself.
I’m busy.
That’s not an excuse, just the reality of the situation.
I don’t know where that leaves me and him right now. I’m spinning us around in my head as I write this and I can’t see where it’s going to stop, nor can I see where I even want it to stop.
Tricky things, relationships are. Tricky.