Aging: The Journey Ahead
Aging. To some, it’s a dirty word, especially in our culture. Youthful imagery is hyper-infused in nearly every visual aspect of our world. Youth begets popularity, success, happiness, and is the embodiment of good health. At least, that’s what they tell us. But the hard reality is that with every passing day we are all growing older. We are all aging. It’s the most natural process we face as humans.
Take a moment to consider where you will be in 20 years. Will you still be working? Will you be living in retirement? Where will you live? With whom will you be living? What kind of life do you want to lead? What community will you be a part of?
These questions are only the beginning of a lengthy discussion about your future, but they may not lead to the answers you suspect. There is a very dark cloud on the horizon for the aging queer population of the world. You might be able to answer the questions above today, but the rules will change as you age.
Ageism: The Great Divide
In our community, at least from this writers’ perspective, nothing stratifies us more completely than ageism. “See that young man with that older gentleman? He’s in it for the money.” “Watch that older guy over there; he’s a dirty old man who likes younger men.” “Her? Oh, she only dates younger women. Still chasing her youth I guess.”
Sentiments like that aren’t far from the kinds of things you can overhear people saying in our community. And it goes beyond passing comments to actual perceptions about the way people will behave based on their age.
Youth are ignorant, elders are old and stubborn, and how could anyone in-between find a way to share a meaningful conversation? Obviously the younger man who approaches an older guy is up to no good. And why is this old woman coming over to hit on me? Why would I hang out with someone who is twenty years older than me?
Blind assumptions created by the last thirty years in queer history have muddied our social waters to a frightening degree. Think that’s untrue? How many elderly GLBT people do you know? How many GLBT teens do you talk with? What is the age range of people in your social circle?
Internal ageism in our community is a ubiquitous issue that very few people talk about. It’s uncomfortable to bring up and difficult to change. Many people found their way out of the closet without any sort of mentor or role model. But the experience of life, especially the experience that a GLBT elder can share, is more than valuable. It’s essential.
Homophobia: Going Back Into the Closet
To borrow a line from the documentary film Ten More Good Years by Mike Jacoby, “Some of the men and women who bravely took the first steps in the GLBT Civil Rights Movement, face a new battle.”
In the film, which chronicles several GLBT elders and their struggles to get by, the message is poignantly clear; most of the world either doesn’t know what to do with, or is ill equipped to handle the aging GLBT population. Ten More Good Years also highlights how the few activists that are championing GLBT elder rights and care are facing major hurdles.
Jacoby’s film, the first of its kind, is the product of several years of dedicated research and filming. By developing personal relationships with his subjects, he was able to network within the aging GLBT community and ultimately uncover both the grim realities ahead and the scant few wins they have experienced thus far. More information about Jacoby’s film may be found online at 10moregoodyears.com.
Jacoby’s film highlights the fact that our community has, for years, been aging in isolation. Many GLBT individuals, never partnered, have taken on the role of caregiver for their family. Naturally, as they age, so do their families. Soon they are alone. Who will care for them?
Those that have partnered face immense hurdles when they lose their partner. Government pensions do not transfer to your “roommate”. Women and men who served their countries for decades maintain their pensions until they die. Their partners get nothing.
What about the people - part of the early GLBT movement - who weren’t in white collar workforce? With no planning for their future during their younger years, they are finding a world that doesn’t know what to do with them. So many men and women who once led a vibrant life of independence are soon forced to seek additional care for a myriad of reasons. Retirement communities for the elderly are plentiful, but GLBT retirement communities are the exception, not the rule.
In 2005 the White House Conference on Aging (WHCoA) was held. This conference, held every ten years, provides a forum to help the President and Congress guide the national aging policies for the next ten years and beyond. Things like Medicare and Medicaid were historically born at the WHCoA.
The intent of many GLBT activists during 2005 was to try and get some sort of language in the discussions around the policies on aging to acknowledge the GLBT elder community. As it stands now, no such language exists in any aging policies created.
During an interview with filmmaker Mike Jacoby, he mentioned a staggering statistic — An estimated 50% of the nursing homes across the U.S. would refuse to admit an openly GLBT elder. Since there is no policy on inclusion for GLBT elders, there is nothing that can be done. Some people, after living the majority of their life out of the closet, must step back in during the later years of life. Just to have a place to live.
Unfortunately the 2005 WHCoA attempt to change the policy language to include GLBT elders was ineffective. In reality, the conference was a huge loss for many facets of the elder community at large, as many of the participants commented that the government had basically made up its mind to only hear the petitions they would be approve before the conference actually began. There was never a chance to change things.
The Future: Commit and Inspire Change
The message is clear. The GLBT community needs to mobilize and plan for the future, while at the same time helping those in our community currently in need. This is by no means a small task for any community to consider, but like so many of the efforts our community has championed in the past, this is definitely an issue we should fight for as it ultimately can affect every single one of us.
A great first step is to engage locally. Many cities have or are creating centers for the GLBT community. Most of them have programs for elderly drop-ins or social groups that meet on a regular basis. A helping hand is always needed, and making contact with anyone associated with these programs should be fairly easy. SAGE, Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders, is a non-profit organization with many branches around the U.S. If you can’t find one where you live, contact them anyway to see how you can help.
An even easier way to bring about change is to step up on your soapbox and talk with your friends. Have a discussion about their views on the elderly GLBT community. Ask them what they are doing about their future, and if they know any people in their social circle outside of their age range. Just talking about it sheds light on an otherwise dark corner in our community.
And finally, the most difficult but effective tactic may be to drop your preconceptions about someone who isn’t close to you in age. We all do it unconsciously. We judge and stratify nearly everyone we meet in an instant. Unless we consciously make an effort to open up to everyone in our community, regardless of age, we’re going to face the same kind of ageist thinking when we become the next generation of elderly GLBT people. It truly is up to us to make a difference for our own future, and the future of our community.
For more information, visit the following links:
SAGE in the New York Area
SAGE in Chicago
Mike Jacoby’s Film Ten More Good Years
The American Society on Aging’s GLBT Network